Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
