I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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