A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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