Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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