i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
