so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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