Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
