The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
