textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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