the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
