Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i have two assholes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
