I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
