Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
