YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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