I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
