babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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