If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
