i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
