I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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