Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
