i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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