we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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