I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
