Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
