For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
