Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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