I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
