Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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