then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We need a shit load of segways right now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
