I want to have your abortion
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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