I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
