I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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