Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
