i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
