i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
