so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I skipped work to stalk him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
