I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
