Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
