My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
