I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
