peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
