I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
