I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
