Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
