Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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