My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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