yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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