There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
