I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
