i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
