if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
