I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
