Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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