We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
one might say we're banned from that church
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
