That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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