He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
