Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
