my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
