Its about making memories worth repressing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
